Story, Bottomline, Intruding: Coaching is not weekly chitchat. It pierces through social niceties to get to the heart of the matter. Sometimes this requires interrupting the client’s “story.” This may seem rude, but is a necessary coaching skill. Story is when a client is reporting a lot of data, rambling or doing “he said/she said,” and it gets in the way of the coaching. Sometimes a coach may ask a client to “bottomline”—this is a request for brevity, or an appeal to share what’s important so they don’t get trapped in a story.

·Story (Client)

·and then I…

·and she said…

·Intrude (Coach)

·I’m going to interrupt you here…

·What’s the point of telling me this story?

·Bottomline (Client)

·I got fired and I feel devastated.

·My father is impossible to live with.

·I want to move but I can’t afford it.

Requests: designed to have you take action in line with your dreams and goals made by the coach, pulled from your agenda (what you want) followed by your response:

·Accepting the request (Yes)

·Declining the request (No)

·Suggesting a counter-offer (No, but I will…)

·Agreeing to respond at a later time (Let me think about it tonight, and I’ll call you tomorrow with my response)

·Will you ask your boss for a raise by 5:00 p.m. this Thursday?

·Will you call the mechanic about a new clutch by tomorrow?

·Will you schedule a massage for yourself by our next session?

Challenges: designed to be so outrageous and out of the box that they shock you into thinking/acting beyond any previously conceived limitation made by the coach, pulled from your agenda (what you want), will most likely make your palms sweat, your stomach lurch and laughter burst from your mouth, not issued very often (unlike requests, which will be issued regularly) followed by your response:

·Accepting the request (Yes)

·Declining the request (No)

·Suggesting a counter-offer (No, but I will…)

·Agreeing to respond at a later time (Let me think about it tonight, and I’ll call you tomorrow with my response)

·Will you get up right now and smash your television screen with a hammer?

·Will you send out 500 letters requesting business by this Saturday?

·Will you lock your to-do list in a friend’s safety deposit box for one month and ask your friend to block all access to the key?

Inquiries: a question used to bring you clarity, action, discovery, insight or commitment, has more than one answer and can be answered over a period of time, is usually given at the end of a coaching session as homework to think about, write about, create with, dream about, talk with others about:

·What lies do you tell yourself?

·Where are you powerful in your life?

·What do you yearn for?

·What is the relationship for you between rest and forward action?

Accountability: a structure designed to support you in doing what you said you would do, a way of evaluating an action taken or reevaluating an intended action, a way for the coach to hold your agenda and be your partner in your life, even if you temporarily drop your agenda:

·What action are you willing to take around this idea?

·By when?

·How will I know that you did it? (email me, call me, send me a letter, let me know at our next session)

Saboteurs: a concept used to name the thought processes and feelings that work to keep you from moving your life forward or deepening your learning process. Neither good nor bad, a Saboteur loses its hold over you when you notice it and then take action based on your dreams, your goals, your values, your clear thinking, etc.; a light, simple way of identifying all the stuff that can feel very heavy and impossible to pull yourself out from under; it’s not who you are. Therefore, it is not effective to coach your Saboteur. Instead, a coach will help you to identify it whenever it shows up, and to take action based on what you want, not on what your Saboteur thinks you should do, no matter how loud or convincing it is (and Saboteurs can be very loud and convincing!).

·Client: My Saboteur is telling me that I shouldn’t submit my short story to the contest because my writing sucks, but I am going to do it anyway!

·Coach: I fully believe that you can complete your tax return when you want to. It sounds like you have a tax Saboteur on board now who is telling you otherwise.

NCRW: this acronym stands for the words “naturally creative, resourceful, and whole” – which is how coaches view their clients. Clients are not “broken,” coaches do not “fix” clients, they do not “diagnose” clients, and coaches treat clients as equals who are creative and capable. This is very different from a therapeutic relationship, where the client is considered a “patient” and the professional is expected to be the authority.

Big A Agenda/Little a agenda: Big A agenda is your overall big-picture what-you-want-for-your-whole-life deal. Little a agenda is the smaller components that add up to the big A, for example, actions that help you live your values or an inquiry that gives you insight about the way you want to live your life.